


You Raised Me Up [Book 1: Bro]

by Cora_knight_of_breath



Series: You Raised Me Up [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bro's Death, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-11 19:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/802207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cora_knight_of_breath/pseuds/Cora_knight_of_breath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave ends up hearing something crash in his brother's room.<br/>His brother's dead. Nothing should be falling over.<br/>He goes to investigate only to find a journal written to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Dave looked at the box in his brother's room. He typically never went through his brother's stuff, but he had heard something crash. Curiosity had gotten the better of him and he had entered. It was there that he had found the box his brother had left him. "Dave" was written in Creamsicle orange letters and the box was red. He opened it to find a journal. He never assumed his brother to be much of a writer, but the journal was filled to the brim. There were pages added in at the end.**  
At the front was an envelope. Dave opened it and read its Creamsicle orange words.  
  
Dave,  
If you're reading this, I guess I'm dead. Too bad, I guess.  
I worked hard to train you to get past this, though. I knew I wouldn't be able to care for you forever, and part of me knew that you may not welcome Cal as a parent as much as I did. So, I trained you. You have to be tough, right?  
I'm not sure where you are now, or what happened. I can only assume I died some pretty cool death. I mean, how else could I have died?  
Look, this is the story of how I raised you. I had a lot of time to think sometimes, so I wrote it down. I wasn't just out dropping sick raps or messing with puppet. No, I figured you might have questions or something.  
Point is, this book is about our life together. Me raising you, and us slowly drifting part. It was a pain to finish, so you better read it!  
  
Bro.  
  
On the back of it was another letter. The words on this side were messy, but they were still the same orange.  
  
Look, Dave, I don't have time to explain things, but I'm afraid I won't be returning home again.  
Read the book, okay? Don't let me die before I can explain what a pain in the a** you were to raise. I'm not dad, so it was hard. Appreciate it, and maybe get some foresight on what it's like to be a parent.  
Anyway, I have to go. You're about to start the game. I've got to help you, right? Of course, I already know I won't be returning. I mean, c'mon, I'm supposed to die in battle. Someone on Prospit told me as much. Ask that dorky friend of yours, okay?  
I'll miss you.  
I'm glad I was able to raise you like this...  
  
Dave was shocked. No words could describe the jumble of his emotions. His brother had known he would die, yet he had gone on. His brother was a cool dude like that. He was brave, and truly a hero.  
Dave locked the door to his brother’s bedroom and leaned against it, sitting on the hard ground. He opened the large book to its first page, ready to figure out just why his brother wanted him to read it.  
  
What the f*** is this thing that just landed here? It’s, like, a kid...am I supposed to raise it or something?


	2. Chapter 1

“What the f*** is this thing that just landed here? It’s, like, a kid...am I supposed to raise it or something?”  
That was my first thought when I brought you home.   
I mean, what the f***? I’m not a dad. I was still pretty young. I have zero experience in the raising a kid area. I was probably going to fail, and I knew it. Even so, I had Cal to help. I wasn’t all alone. Besides, Roxy had found a kid too. So, we could just talk to one another for help. I mean, why not?  
Well, let’s just say that neither of us were suitable parents. She was drunk, and I had to fly there to confiscate her key to her alcohol cabinet at one point. If I had to make it through this thing sober, she did too. Not that I really drink that much, but you get the point.  
I did kind of feel bad for Roxy, though. The only help she had in raising Rose was me, and I wasn’t even there. At least I had Cal to help.  
Well, we made it through okay. I mean, I didn’t have any baby stuff, so I had to blow a bunch of money on that. Looking back, I don’t get why I didn’t drop you off at the house of some poor loser. I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess I felt the need to. Besides, Cal seemed to think you needed to stay. I tried to get rid of you repeatedly, but he would always have his arms and legs tangled around you whenever I tried.  
I gave up after a couple tries.  
Don’t argue with Li’l Cal, right? He knows his stuff.  
So, I blindly raised you. Roxy and I swapped tips, but we had to do a lot of research. The internet and library became close companions of ours. We still did a pretty bad job at it, though.  
I mean, I never found a single book or YouTube video about how to change a diaper. I think I failed every single time.  
That’s why I was so quick to potty train you.  
Cal helped me through that a lot.  
When it came time to send you to kindergarten, I wasn’t sure how eager I was to actually let you go. I mean, dude, I had grown pretty fond of you after raising you with Cal. The three of us made a cool team.  
Even so, I drove you there and walked you in. The teacher wasn’t pleased about me demanding you keep your glasses on, but I set him straight. Teach that a** to question the rad shades of a Strider.  
When I picked you up after school, though, you seemed sad.  
After a couple minutes of fighting with the booster seat I asked, “What’s bothering you, Dave?”  
“Nothing,” you said.  
“Okay, li’l man,” I said, ruffling your hair. “Let’s go home. I promised you a special dinner for tonight, didn’t I?”  
The drive home was quiet. I never talked to you much, I admit. At first I thought babies just naturally learned to talk. Roxy had to set me straight on that. I guess I was such a s***y teacher that I just taught you to be emotionless like I was. Sorry about that, li’l bro. Probably will cause you trouble in time. Wish I could have seen what effect I had on you...  
I asked you again during dinner what had happened in school. Once again you refused to answer. Instead you just dragged your backpack into your room. I tried using Cal to get you to answer, but you wouldn’t even answer him. I knew serious s*** was up when that happened.  
I set Cal down by your door, making him say, “I’ll just sit here until you decide to tell me,” and went to go do the laundry. When I came back, you were talking to him. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. Cal has a way with kids. He’s cool like that. I even watched you fist bump him, smiling. I decided to let you two talk it out while I went to shower.  
When I came back from the shower, I saw you asleep on the floor hugging Cal close. It was so cute. I don’t usually admit stuff like that, but a little 5-year-old kid asleep with Cal is as cute as it gets. I decided not to disturb you and just laid a blanket over you. I pretty much let you sleep where you wanted to anyway. No harm in you sleeping on the floor, right?  
Man, those first few years were golden. If only it had always been that easy for you. If only I had seen the signs of what went on in your life when my back was turned instead of what I saw while you were on your computer with your friends...


	3. Chapter 2

As you grew up, you never told me about your problems. You always asked Cal. Cal never even responded!  
I felt pretty useless and like a failure.  
I was working to raise you, yet somehow I couldn’t even help you with any of your problems.  
I got suspicious when you came home one day without your glasses. You always wore them. What reason could you have for not wearing them?  
“Look, Dave, Cal’s not gonna help you with your problem right now. You gotta tell me,” I said. I wasn’t sure if my voice was strict or soft. I wasn’t good at this stuff at all.  
“Nothing’s wrong,” you replied.  
“Why won’t you tell me? I’m your bro! I’ve worked hard to raise you ever since I found you! Why can’t you tell me this stuff? Why’s it always Cal? I get that he’s a cool guy, but who do you think he chose to raise and teach his cool ways?”  
You looked down, shifting your weight. “You,” was your mumbled response.  
“And who do you think I went to when I had problems?”  
“Li’l Cal.”  
“Right. And who did I choose to teach my cool ways?”  
I saw a tear streak from your eye. “Me.”  
“So who should you choose to turn to when you have problems?”  
More tears flowed, though you were obviously trying to hold them back. “You.”  
“Exactly! So what happened?”  
You pulled a rag from your backpack. Once the cloth was unwrapped, I saw the rad glasses I had given to you. They were broken. Smashed to pieces.  
“Who did this?” I asked.  
“One of the kids in my class.”  
“Look, Dave, why were you afraid of hiding this from me? I can help you learn to stand up for yourself! What do you say? Want to learn?”  
Your red eyes widened. “What?”  
I smiled and ruffled your hair. “I’m gonna teach you to fight.”  
You nodded. “But what about the glasses?”  
I took off my own shades and slide them onto your face. “There. Problem solved.” I smiled. “I’ll buy a new pair later.”  
So, I took you in and started training you. I gave you a cheap sword, and set up a way for us to constantly train. Our apartment became littered in weapons, and you were great. Of course, the problems didn’t just vanish. You weren’t a professional right away, and you often came home with bruises and cuts. I had to learn first aid because I had no idea how to care for your cuts. I also had to buy a lot of new shirts since you stretched yours out when sliding out of them when I tried to use peroxide. You were such a whimp back them. I still loved ya, but there was no way I was going to let my li’l bro be afraid of a little bit of peroxide. It tickles!  
  
 _Dave smiled sadly. “A**h***,” he whispered quietly. “You knew that stuff hurt like hell.”_  
  
Okay, you’re right, it hurt.  
Even so, as the years went by, I noticed improvement. The cuts slowly decreased. After a while, your only injuries were from training with me. Man, I loved training with you so much. I didn’t do much with you other than train. I mean, as you grew up you sort of drifted away. I didn’t know how to restore our bond, so I let it fade. You actually seemed to hate the training. Kind of upset me, since that was the only time we spent together. I never let you because of that. I mean, what kind of bro would I be if I let you just stop talking to me at all? I’d be an utter failure!  
Look, Dave, the point is: I didn’t just beat you up every time I saw you because I hated you. I did it because I wanted you to be strong. I knew you would have a harsh future, though I didn’t know just how harsh, so someone had to teach you. That’s what brothers are for, right? They keep an eye on one another.  
That’s exactly what I planned on doing...


	4. Chapter 3

As your elementary school years passed, I never heard you ask to bring friends over or to hang with any. I ended up giving you free leave of the house when you wished in hopes of you maybe hanging with some kids. You tended to spend quite a bit of time outside of the house, so I figured I had made the right choice.  
It wasn’t until you were in 5th grade that I realized your only friends were me and Cal. I was walking home to find you surrounded by a group of kids. I figured they were problem friends of yours and was about to get going when one of them snatched the sunglasses off your face while saying, “Why you gotta hide your eyes, cool kid? Show us how they all look!”  
When they saw your red eyes, which were void of emotion, they all started calling you a demon kid. Your fists were clenched as he boy prepared to break your glasses. I watched as your fist made contact with his face and you snatched your shades from the air.  
“Don’t touch my glasses,” you said as you put them on. “They were my bro’s.”  
“What so special about your bro? No one’s ever seen him! You go on saying he taught you to fight, but really he’s probably a fictional person! No one’s scared of him!”  
I frowned. I admit, I spent a lot of time working late at night or in my apartment with my puppets, but people had certainly seen me around town on a day off. I guess I had to help you set them straight, but I chose not to. You were already in a fighting position, your katana out. I watched as you kicked their butts without actually cutting them. You just hit them with your feet, fists, and the flat of your blade. You didn’t have a scratch on you. It was after the fight that I knew I had to make my appearance.  
“Good job, li’l bro,” I said with a smirk. I held out my fist, which you gave a bump. “You’ve learned quite a bit.”  
“I learned from the best,” you said with a nod, no smile on your face.  
“Yeah, you did.”  
It was in that moment that I realized you weren’t that dorky kid I had once helped get dressed in the morning. All dorkiness had gone from you, and I had missed it leaving. I had wanted to be there during that final moment. Did it leave while I was working to earn money? Did it leave while you were at school? Did it leave while you were talking to your online friends? I couldn’t tell.  
It kind of upset me.  
I felt disappointed, actually.  
I mean, c’mon, Dave, I raised you and I had missed the moment in your life I had most been looking forward too. You had become a smaller version of me, only more independent. You wanted nothing to do with me, and I had missed it. Why?  
I had worked so hard...  
I wanted to watch you become a man. Even if it wasn’t an actual man, but just, like, the level of a man that’s a cool guy, then it would work. I always knew I wouldn’t actually see you hit manhood. I had lost every chance I would get because I wasn’t open to helping you and being as good a bro as I could be.  
That night, I allowed you to spend the time alone. I had seen your strength and decided you needed a break. I mean, c’mon, you had obviously had a long day. What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t let a kid rest after that stuff?  
  
 _Dave wasn’t sure what to think. Was his bro really that cool of a guy? He actually thought about what Dave went through once in awhile? He was thoughtful towards the fact that Dave was growing up and had his own problems to deal with? And he was actually willing to let Dave rest?_  
  
Besides, I could beat you up the next day.  
  
 _“Of course,” Dave muttered. “A**.”_  
  
I didn’t, though. I couldn’t bring myself to. I went a good week without it. I got desperate enough to call Roxy. We hadn’t been calling one another as much, but I felt the need to.  
Let’s just say she wasn’t much help...


	5. Chapter 4

“Okay, Dirk, what’s your problem?”  
“What makes you think I have a problem?”  
“We haven’t called one another in three years. Something’s wrong.”  
“I just wanted to know how raising Rose has been.”  
“Oh, you know, typical. We’ve been doing our nice thing again. I try to repay her, and she always repays me for repaying her again. It suuuuuucks.”  
“Roxy, are you drunk again?”  
“Maybe.” She giggled. “Okay, so, what’s up? Something happen with Dave?”  
“Well, I was wondering if Rose had become unwilling to even face you.”  
“Aw, is Davey growing up?”  
“I’m serious, Roxy.”  
“Well, to be honest, it’s not really all that common for me to see her.”  
“So is it supposed to be normal for kids to drift apart?”  
“Look, Dirk, he’s your brother. You may have raised him, but you two technically have that sibling bond.”  
“Yeah, and we also technically don’t.” I sighed and rubbed a hand across my face. “I don’t see how Li’l Cal does better at it than me.”  
“He’s a puppet, Dirk.”  
“Yeah, yeah.”  
“Hey, why don’t you fly over to visit me and we can get wasted! That’ll fix your problem!”  
“Nah. The kids don’t know we know one another.”  
“Yeah, true.” I heard her laugh a bit. “Whoops, I knocked over my wizard.”  
“Which one? There are tons in that house of yours.”  
“Um...I dunno.” God, her words were so slurred. “Hey, Dirk, what you should do is give Dave a big smooch to show him you still love him and want to be with him!”  
“He’s my _brother_ , Roxy.” I let out another sigh. “Okay, look, call me back when you’re sober.”  
“Okay!”  
I hung up and slouched onto the couch. Was I such a failure of a bro that my brother never even left his room to talk to me? Where did I fail you, Dave? How did I fail at being a good guardian? I mean, come on, I had done my best.  
Haha, why am I even asking you this? I mean, I’m already dead if you’re reading it. So it’s not like you could tell me.  
It’d be nice to know, though.  
Here, I’ll write a blank here. Just write where I failed you. Maybe somehow I can read it in the afterlife.  
__________________________________________________  
  
 _Dave frowned a bit. He pulled out a red pen and began writing._  
  
 _You didn’t. I’m proud to have you as a brother. I miss you..._


	6. Chapter 5

Look, Dave, it’s your thirteenth birthday. I made you a cake with a recipe Roxy sent me from her friend. I even got little puppets to add. I think it turned out fine. I’m glad I got to see you turn thirteen. It kind of makes me sad that I won’t get to see anymore of your birthdays.  
I guess when you left your room today was a bad start. I mean, you sort of got attacked by smuppets. I didn’t mean for the bucket to fall on your head, though! I just was having problem with the rigging system! I needed a way to show you, “Hey, Dave, I care! So happy birthday!”  
Yeah...I think I’ve gotten worse at this as time goes by. Sorry.  
Maybe it’ll be good that I won’t be able to see your next birthday, since that means you won’t have to deal with me accidentally killing you one year.  
Anyway, happy birthday. I’m glad I spent as much time as I did. The game’s going to come out soon, so you know what that means.  
Yeah...I’m gonna die.  
I won’t go out without a fight, though! What kind of cool bro would I be if not for that?  
  
 _Dave looked at the smeared ink. Something had gotten the page wet..._  
 _Was his bro crying as he wrote this? He had never known his brother to cry. Of course, he never knew his brother to write more than raps either._  
  
Hey, Dave, guess what! The game came today! I’ll miss seeing your face! I accidentally took this book, but I got it set so that the book will send back to you once I die. I won’t have to deal with you reading it before my death that way! So it works!  
Anyway, I guess I’m a bit nervous about heading to my death. I know I’m going to die fighting Jack, but I can slow him down a bit. I can help start the scratch, too. I’ll do my best to help you. Maybe help that dorky friend of yours, too.  
I’ll miss you. Maybe we can meet in a dream bubble and duel it out, or rap maybe. Do our old stuff.  
  
 _At the end of the book was a small note on the back cover. The letters were a bit smeared, and obviously not written with ink. The candy red made it obvious as to what it was..._  
  
Hey, Dave  
Thank your sprite for helping me fight Jack, kay?  
You may not think you’re a hero, but you will be one  
Why else would I have prepped you for it with so much training?  
I’m glad I was the one to raise you  
I’ll miss ya, li’l bro.  
I’m proud of you...


	7. Epilogue

_You may not think you’re a hero, but you will be one_  
 _Why else would I have prepped you for it with so much training?_  
 _I’m glad I was the one to raise you_  
 _I’ll miss ya, li’l bro._  
 _I’m proud of you..._  
  
Those words hit Dave like a punch in a stomach. His brother had written this in his final moments, with his own blood.  
A tear streaked from one of his candy red eyes. He wiped it away, desperate to keep them all in. He failed, though. He pulled his legs to his torso and hugged them, hiding his face in his arms. The tears wouldn’t stop flowing.  
“I’m not a hero,” he whispered. “John is, you were, I’m not.”  
A knock came on the door. “Dave, you in there?”  
Dave couldn’t speak. Why was John here? Dave muttered a cuss word and wiped frantically at his eyes. They may have been hidden behind his glasses, but there were trails from them on his cheeks. He quickly ran to the bathroom and washed his face. He went back and was about to close the door when the lock clicked and the door opened.  
“Hey, Dave, are you okay? You’ve been in here a while.”  
“I’m fine,” Dave lied.  
John’s eyes found the book. He picked up and and red the message. “Dave?”  
“It’s nothing,” Dave said, shaking his head.  
John set the book down and wrapped his arms around Dave. “You’re always here for me, so I can be here for you.”  
A tear escaped Dave’s eye. “I just never knew how much I had hurt my bro...”  
“Your brother was proud of you. He said so himself. You became a strong fighter. You’re stronger than he could have imagined.”  
“Yeah, but I still hurt him in ways I couldn’t have imagined...I feel like such a d*****.”  
“You’re not one. You have done a lot to help all of us. We’re lucky to have you, and your bro knew that too. I’m sure everything will be fine.” John smiled sadly, though Dave couldn’t see. “Everyone’s here for you when you need us. Just call out.”  
“Yeah. Thanks, John.”  
  
 _I’m not a hero...I doubt I will be..._  
 _But at least you thought as much...bro..._


End file.
